The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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