Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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