Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
