i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
