Are we in a gay sports bar?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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