I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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