He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
time to smoke my breakfast
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
