conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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