Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
