Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
