You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we're making bets on your personal life
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
