That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
