This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
