You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
