how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
