I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
