Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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