just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
