So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
