Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
