Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
