Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
