i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
