I am spending my child support on dildos
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
