ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
