Your dad touched me again.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
