Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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