I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
