I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
