I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
