She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
