so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
