Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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