everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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