it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
well you can't waste a boner
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
