And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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