It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
