if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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