Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
