Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Enjoy the penises
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
