I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
