You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
