"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
