If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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