dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
