i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
