she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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