god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
