we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
