fuck your aforementioned shoe
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
