i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
