it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
